Monday, November 05, 2012

It's New November


It's New November
The jonquils and daffodils are out in our Los Angeles garden, November 5, 2012

 
It’s new November and the sun is hot

 
unlike November bonfires in the days of yore.

 
When young we burned Guy Fawkes, but here the plot

 
of fertile soil God’s wisdom was conserving for

 

next spring. Then daffodils are autumn dreams,

 
peach blossoms shrivelled, grasses parched and barely grown,

 
and grandchildren search for some rushing stream

 
to lubricate their voice and flesh upon the bone.

 

 
I fear for living beings, fear for us

 
fiddling so carelessly while Rome about us burns;

 
no Vatican to lay the law or fuss

 
that God created man to reap just what he earns

 

 
and not a jot more, reaching to the stars,

 
where maybe once some greedy creatures ploughed their fields

 
and grabbing more, invented guns and czars

 
demanding more than what their good earth yearly yields.

 

 
I fear we see this hot November how

 
our greed has called the god of Balance out to cause

 
our springtime punishment, his barren vow

 
of summer plenty casting us to famine's hellish jaws.

 

Yours gloomily,

LRH in Los Angeles, CA

November 5, 2012

 

 

From: Gershon Hepner <gwhepner@yahoo.com>

 To: linda hepner <lrhepner@yahoo.com>

Sent: Monday, November 5, 2012 10:52 AM

 Subject: we boil at different degrees

 

 

WE BOIL AT DIFFERENT DEGREES

 

 

We boil at different degrees,

 

Clint Eastwood famously once said,

 

but ultimately we all freeze

 

before we die, and are brain dead.

 

 

The difference is due to pressure

 

in the air we breathe, and most

 

find air at their own level fresher

 

than what’s below, where they compost.

 

Clint Eastwood famously once stated what I quote in the first line.

 
Gershon Hepner, 11/5/12             #11794

 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Carol's Oats

Poetic riffs on horror tales
of love igniting that impales
then leaves you hanging in the void,
a hell you can't kill or avoid.
The wild oats she could have sown
Were hers to seize so she could own
revenge on rapers of her soul.
But she had bought a Golden Bowl.
The crack left love words seeping through;
they left a sediment that grew
until the salts stuck in her throat;
her heart sank in the sinking boat.
Her hell was constant... but to think
she could have sipped the drunken drink
of wild oats, that nemesis,
that joyful anagnorisis.
 
 
9.10.12
 
LRH
9.10.12
 

From: Gershon Hepner <gwhepner@yahoo.com>
 To: linda hepner <lrhepner@yahoo.com>
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 8:25 AM
 Subject: not enough love
 
NOT ENOUGH LOVE
 
To give oneself away in exchange
 
for not enough love while sowing wild Oates
 
provides the donor with short change,
 
having burnt with all bridges the bottoms of boats.
 
 
 
Joyce Carol Oates, intereviewed in “By the Book” in the NYTBR on 9/9/12, has previously written:
 
 
 
The worst thing: to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love.
 
 
 
9/10/12                        #11339
 
 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

8.16.12 Thursday night in London

8.16.12 Thursday night in London

Another extraordinary day of walking, looking, listening, being amazed.
Hardly slept last night, but got up 7am to drink pot of coffee and talk to Leo. Took long, hot wakeup shower, then out to meet Stephen at Muswell Hill. Lunch at the once-Mozart Cafe. He drove to Hampstead Heath via the Highgate adjacent cemetery (Karl Marx, you'll have to wait this year), found parking in narrow lane and we walked miles over the heath in sudden sunshine, through copses and woods and past one pond after another, down muddy pathways to see the swimming ponds, one for men, one for women that looked like something out of a DH Lawrence novel, women bathing amidst trees, scattered women, woman and woman, each one looking like some genteel Hampstead author in water, on meadows. I had no idea the Heath held such secrets.  Rolling hills, unexpected glimpses of London mistily 4 miles away between hills and trees, delightful clouds, birds of many descriptions and water fowl, quiet men and women walking, sitting on the grass, staring, thinking, and then more meadows, ponds, wild hedges and blackberry bushes and enormous trees, each of which Stephen knew as individuals and about which he was passionately possessive.
Talked about Airbnb; he told me to write up the stories I hear from the guests. Two hours talking
non-stop.
The only shadows in the magical afternoon were when I asked if he had been to Banias and he retorted, "I've shot at people there," adding that it wasn't Israel, it was conquered land, at which I retorted, "We're not giving it back," when he stopped himself and we fell silent for a minute, and then as he dropped me off when I asked if he was going to Elizabeth's 'Adelman' tea party for Lily on Sunday at which he became very disturbed because neither Liz nor his mother had told him about it. Oh dear, these dark holes. You can fall through them at any age.
He dropped me off at the Tube and I arrived at Waterloo Station, fighting my way through hordes of festive and rowdy families all the way to an even more deafening and dazzling fairground that the South Embankment has become, found Leo and Regina at Au Bon Pain, found Julian at the National Theatre, and found my tickets at the BO where the helpful man I'd spoken to from LA had upgraded our seats to mid stalls for only $1 more than the original ones in the Circle!  At that I came out of my shadows and the four of us sat (and I later rented an earpiece that made a huge difference for me) enjoying the (rather ridiculous on the whole) Shaw - The Doctor's Dilemma - which was brilliantly acted and produced, funny, moving, thought provoking here and there and very enjoyable.
When we left, along the Embankment, we saw the city lit up on both sides with lights of all colors, neon, flashers, beams, lit up buildings, projected icons, a wealth of London old and very new, the slender hanging carousel with riders screaming for joy and terror, the enormous Eye rounding slowly, the bridges lit up like fireworks. Julian took his train and Leo, Regina and I walked then bussed back to 48 Portland Place, where we rounded off the evening as usual with a snack and a small glass of red wine.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Today with Sophie in London! 8.15.12


 Thursday, August 16, 2012 12:54 AM
Subject: Today

Had AMAZING day went out met Sophie outside Globe, Henry V, seats front first level towards back of stage, wonderful performance, funny, moving, Sophie had the text; she followed in it and looked, so I had moments to check up on what I missed. Great spontaneity including audience, lots of music, Eve would have loved the drums. First rate Henry. Play made awfully relevant re war and loyalty. Good weather, spattering but warm, then walked for miles. One continual fairground all the way, not just colorful buildings and cafes but lots of exhibitions, formal and sidewalk-type, exhilarating. Tate Modern was closing but we entered the cavernous halls like inside of a vast empty cathedral, just as described in Times or WSJ the other day, extraord experience, the actors, the deliberately casual overheard conversations , the odd humming, like being in giant beehive and one actor stood up and told us his life history, part of show. Then more promenading along more festive embankment, Royal Festival Hall unrecognizatble, lit up with abundant joyful exhibits. No classical music or atmosphere here for the common man during the prom season over at Albert Hall, but lots of noise at RFH, unusual, awakening concerts, and a large wandering maze made up of walls made up of closely piled books! Now I know what to do with all ours! Odd, odd, splendid. Walked across Hungerford bridge, Turneresque sky, all the way up villainous Villiers Street, Charing Cross Rd, along Oxford St, up Regent St and then stately Portland place by 11pm. Too late for Sophie to meet Leo and Regina, who were exhausted from some busy important day and ready for bed. Pity as Sophie was curious and had come all the way from Berlin to see me.
Sophie looks really well, blossoming. and sends her love. Gave me a present for Amitai. Lots of catch up re family plus news of hers and her old ladies and her search for herself, and she's begun writing her book. Starts Cambridge in Oct with visits to Harvard thrown in. Lovely day together. Now 12.30am and tomorrow I go meet my BBC cousin Stephen then to theatre with Leo and R and I have an extra ticket (Shaw's The Doctor's Dilemma) for Sophie that she can't use, sadly, as she's going to the proms. Btw Leo didn't enjoy the choice of prom music last night, the esoteric 9.30pm performance of Ligeti and Cage. Regina thought it fun. I heard the 4 Minute Silence Music by John Cage on their radio.Emperor's clothes? It was followed by 4 mins of ecstatic applause!
Thanks for your poems. Try to go out and enjoy yourself.
xxxxL

Dear Woody Allen,





On flight to UK, night of 8.13.12

Dear Woody Allen,

I am the person who shouted out "Mazeltov!" at you as you and your wife Mrs. Soon-Yi Allen passed us on 82nd Street walking towards Madison Avenue last July. Mr. Allen, listen, I want to say "I'm sorry," or even "I'm very sorry," or even "No, you don't get it, I'm really very very sorry!" because after I had gone three feet the expression on your face came back and fixed itself to the front of my brain like a still from one of your movies; you looked so very careworn and weary, so full of angst and sadness, defenseless against the heat, the years, the long stretch of 82nd Street, the insouciant families on the sidewalk, arthritis, anxiety about whatever ails thee, Kafka, Kerouak, stones and arrows, relations gone awry, good gone bad, guilt, regret, raging at the not-yet night, and then the sudden, penetrating shout of "Mazeltov!" into your ear as I beheld you and passed by so gleefully. For in that microbeat of an Oympic second, many thoughts rushed into my incoherent speaking-cortex and I was shocked, yes shocked, by a desire to leap at you, embrace your frail frame, kiss you all over your haggard face, shake your hand and declare myself your devoted admirer ever since I was dragged as a greenhornette  to see "Take the Money and Run" in 1970 without ever having heard your name and jumping for joy at those Jewish legs crossing the screen in the opening scene, and at the exact same time wanted to ply you with confused and qesperate questions -- come come Woody Allen let's abscond to the Carlyle back on Madison, you can play your saxophone and I will spill out my querulous queries, Why?  Oh why? And you know exactly what I'm getting at as I encapsulate all the grudges any of your fine critics have held against you -- no, not the one about sticking to a Jewish life or the other about New England envy which I love in spite of your yearning for the unobtainable because your themes strain and strive with humor and you aren't Richard Wagner with his seductive hours of concocted theme immersion whom I should not be enjoying but I do; you are a  2nd generation Jew yes Jew still, still testing out America and mythologizing global views with filmic nods as ingenious and clever and cornily delicious as the late 'America Sings' in Disneyland.
So when I shouted "Mazeltov!" I was truly, truly congratulating you for all that, but you must, yes surely must, as you are an acute observer, have noticed with your ears -- as you determinedly did not stop or even glance my way -- that I did not add your name, and that the "Mazeltov!" had a loud, rasping edge to it and why?  You want to know? Not really. I'll tell you. Because you were with your delicate young wife who was holding your arm so protectively, but all I could think for that second welled up from inside my resentful breast -- not because she is Asian, God forbid, or even (sacrilege) your quasi adopted daughter, O Bartolo, or that you betrayed all the claptrap of this moralistic passerby, myself, Everywoman, but because she is so.... so young!
How could you act just like any other randy, aging late-middle aged man, as if you were Pablo Picasso or Henry VIII or King David, taking a slender, innocent young thing and disobeying the 11th Commandment so eloquently observed by W.S, "Old age and youth..." after all here am I, 73 and still a good looking broad, full of goodwill, sarcasm, laziness, energy and wit, crossing my path with your Royal Joined Devotednesses, and how could you not see me with my son the rabbi, his wife and baby, my daughter the lawyer, my son-in-law the architect and three funny looking grandsons all wearing yarmulkas who were marching west towards the Met and eating ice creams? Aren't there enough amazing, awesome, inspiring dames like me to make you turn your eyes away from your burgeoning youth-replacement 20-somethings?  What is it men want and want and want? How about me! Howl howl howl!
But then 6/7ths of a second later I was hit by yeller's remorse. I even wanted to run back along 82nd Street and apologize, "I'm sorry, Woody! I didn't mean to hurt you, the world is cruel enough as it is,  I'm very very very sorry!" But my children laughed and grabbed my arm. "Don't be insane, Mom!" they cried, "That was Woody Allen! He didn't even notice you exist!"

Yours sincerely,
Linda, from Los Angeles.                                                                                                                                                                      

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Die Schöne Müllerin, Disney Music Center, 4.16.12

Goerne and Eschenbach, Disney Center 4.16.12

4.16.12

You are never prepared for the transformative moments in your life. I’ve had a few. The first time I saw Mesa Verde from the top of an adjacent mountain. Watching my family praying Mincha, each in his own spot, amidst the deserted ruins of Selinunte. Lightning striking a Bristlecone Pine while my son was standing next to it, peeing. Waking in the morning aged 10 and realizing I was in love with Shakespeare. Waking at 24 and realizing I was in love.

Such was the evening I spent at the Disney Center on Monday night. Matthias Goerne, no longer a youth, singing… no becoming… the lovelorn young miller’s apprentice in Schubert’s heart wrenching song cycle of Wilhelm Müller’s

4.16.12

You are never prepared for the transformative moments in your life. I’ve had a few. The first time I saw Mesa Verde from the top of an adjacent mountain. Watching my family praying Mincha, each in his own spot, amidst the deserted ruins of Selinunte. Lightning striking a Bristlecone Pine while my son was standing next to it, peeing. Waking in the morning aged 10 and realizing I was in love with Shakespeare. Waking at 24 and realizing I was in love.

Such was the evening I spent at the Disney Center on Monday night. Matthias Goerne, no longer a youth, singing… no becoming… the lovelorn young miller’s apprentice in Schubert’s heart wrenching song cycle of Wilhelm Müller’s Die Schöne Müllerin, with the aging Christoph Eschenbach transformed by our sheer imagination to the miller’s daughter, all the while sitting with intense concentration at his piano.

The world slowed down; we were transported to an age of complete identity with nature, ours and God’s: indivisibly water, woods, trees, emotions, imaginary relationships, thoughts and voices, and everywhere the color green, the color of life, love, springtime, growth and ultimately the grave, when our feelings cease to fluctuate and grass covers us all.

Goerne was consumed by his role. His utterly beautiful voice soared and softened and was one with his entire body which bent like a reed, straightened and writhed in the agony of delight, love, happiness, jealousy, bitterness, anger and utter sorrow. His face followed; it did not matter that he does not look like a lovelorn youth or that his accompanist wasn’t a foolish maiden. He had me utterly under his spell.

The Disney Center was half empty. It should not have been. People of all ages, colors and experience should have been battering down the doors.

At the sweet, bitter end Goerne and Eschenbach slowed to their stop, and we all waited, waited, and waited… then, finally, they woke from their trance, faced the audience and we gathered up our strength to stand and applaud and bring them back until the two old loving friends walked away for the last time.

It was a performance that was hardly performance, and I with a few others bought a CD which normally would be found at half the price on Amazon, just to commemorate an evening of awe. The two great musicians came down, sat next to each other at a little table and beatifically, gratefully, signed their names on the CD. Yet it was us, the worshippers, who were saying Thank you, Thank you, and amazed at seeing them smile. How do you recover from an experience like that?

, with the aging Christoph Eschenbach transformed by our sheer imagination to the miller’s daughter, all the while sitting with intense concentration at his piano.

The world slowed down; we were transported to an age of complete identity with nature, ours and God’s: indivisibly water, woods, trees, emotions, imaginary relationships, thoughts and voices, and everywhere the color green, the color of life, love, springtime, growth and ultimately the grave, when our feelings cease to fluctuate and grass covers us all.

Goerne was consumed by his role. His utterly beautiful voice soared and softened and was one with his entire body which bent like a reed, straightened and writhed in the agony of delight, love, happiness, jealousy, bitterness, anger and utter sorrow. His face followed; it did not matter that he does not look like a lovelorn youth or that his accompanist wasn’t a foolish maiden. He had me utterly under his spell.

The Disney Center was half empty. It should not have been. People of all ages, colors and experience should have been battering down the doors.

At the sweet, bitter end Goerne and Eschenbach slowed to their stop, and we all waited, waited, and waited… then, finally, they woke from their trance, faced the audience and we gathered up our strength to stand and applaud and bring them back until the two old loving friends walked away for the last time.

It was a performance that was hardly performance, and I with a few others bought a CD which normally would be found at half the price on Amazon, just to commemorate an evening of awe. The two great musicians came down, sat next to each other at a little table and beatifically, gratefully, signed their names on the CD. Yet it was us, the worshippers, who were saying Thank you, Thank you, and amazed at seeing them smile. How do you recover from an experience like that?

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Sunday, January 22, 2012

This Table Has Its History

This Table Has Its History

This table has its history. And when
The final meal’s over and the mourners leave
Will anyone look down and say, “Goodbye old wood,”
Or try to save it, bound by images
Year in year out, pausing before the ax?

It came into our home
Already old, the oak brown grey,
On five legs crudely carved
Half pedestal, half turned,
By some old Amish farmer’s son who’d quit
Old plainness, for a modern family of four, perhaps
Expandable to six, but we
Came, saw and bought it, then
Moved far away and kept the extra leaves;
The table had to fit into our nook,
The one we nearly lost when fancy plans
Demanded that the table go, and marble slabs
Bring house and family more up to date.

Disaster struck, the day destruction came:
Disaster trumped destruction, and I sent
The workmen packing. Fancy change
Was now on hold. A sign it was
From heaven, which had whispered Halt!
When I envisioned chopping off the past.
Now never would I jettison my table. It
Was where our family of six would eat
Each meal, and had seen our bowls
Of cereal, tomato soups and plates,
Of toast and marmalade and tuna sandwiches
And pasta piled high, or eggs and
Pungent apple juice and mugs
Of milk and cups of coffee; grapes and cheese,
And children’s place mats showing maps
Or aleph bets or scores of dinosaurs
Not to forget the views of Hershey Park
Near Amish farms. When we ate meat
This table was draped decorously
With tablecloths depicting flowers, dragons, sunsets, but
On Passover with spring time greens and blues
When all the family would peel apples
Chop chopping them on maple chopping boards.

Each passing year the children grew
And little friends would chop and they grew too;
Apples browned by cinnamon and wine
Sat heaped in bowls: out came the camera.

And every week still at the end of Shabbat we
Crowd round our table for Havdallah, when
We hold the braided candle, see ahead
Six days that stretch for workaday affairs,
Then sniff the cinnamon or lavender to sweeten them.
Out comes the camera! The weeks,
Now years, stretch way behind us into albums, years
Gone by.
Today come little granddaughters who paint,
The wooden table often daubed with blue
While baby boys crawl underneath, picking
Crumbs that fell from Grandpa’s challah board
As we these latter years are two alone
For Shabbat meals, two old lovers,
Eating on our wooden table, in simplicity.

The Amish rebel never dreamed his work
Would bind us with a non-rebellious glue
And halt us with a heart-beat
From chopping off the past.
Nor did he know his table had a mythic past:
My memory, aged four, of Sarah, my great-grandmother
We all called Bobba, in her long black skirt
And apron, standing on the old stone floor
In London where the family
Had fled from Vitebsk in the year
That Queen Victoria died. She stood,
My ancient Bobba, chopping, clopping on her board
Upon her wooden table, onions, carrots, herbs,
All tumbled into steaming soups, and then the knife –
Where is it now? – lay like a coat of arms
Across the wood, all done. Our life was rich
And full of flavor, in that kitchen long ago
But lives on in my hands
Which wield my knife upon the board
And on my wooden table with the scents
Of soups and sounds of music, children and
The chop chop chopping on the warm brown wood.
Disaster, you were welcome – you breathed life
Into what really mattered – life is good.

LRH January 22, 2012

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Monday, December 12, 2011

A History of Granny Turning 8

A History of Granny turning 8

There was a tiny granny once. Oh no,
She wasn’t yet a granny, she would grow
Into a lady, mommy, then her son
Would marry a fine woman, and for fun
Make babies, not the least of whom were two,
The only girls so far for Granny (true),
And she and Grandpa said, they are the BEST
Granddaughters in our Californian nest
And even on the East Coast, USA
Where cousin boys and uncles, aunts all stay.

December 12th the girls were born ‘03,
In Mission Viejo, to their parents’ glee,
Admired by big brother Yoav, later
By brothers Avishai, Adin. They’d cater
To the brother-crew who like all boys
Loved roller coasters, rocket ships and noise.
The girls preferred nice dresses, hairstyles, books,
Wrote poems, plays, and kept their paints in nooks
Under the stairs, a secret hideaway
Where they could make-believe and girl-things play.

Today’s their birthday, 8th, hard to believe,
A great day for the twins, Ada and Eve;
(Or Eve and Ada, many aren’t quite sure…
They are quite different but share an allure).
I wonder how their friends will cheer and sing
At school, and if their Dad will ring
The doorbell, saying “I’ve come home with presents!”
(I hope it’s a white nanny goat or pheasants
That wake those thumpy neighbors up at six,
Or maybe a magician with some tricks!)

The story of my birthday.
I was eight
And woke for school but couldn’t go. Too late!
I’d caught the measles! Great-Gran Ada said
I had to stay at home and lie in bed!
Great-Grandpa Joe said, “Now you must lie still!”
And Dr. Fry said, “Oh she’s rather ill!”
I cried a bit because they drew the drapes,
I couldn’t read, the day passed darkly. Shapes
Loomed up at me, a dragon, then a bear
But they were just the wardrobe and a chair.

My Mum came in with eggs and milk and soup
And brushed my hair into an achey loop,
But worst of all was that I had a party
And truly I had no wish to be hearty!
My little sister Susan was aged two,
And not allowed to catch my Measels flu.
So after school my friends came to the door
And I could hear them on the lower floor
Say, “Where is Linda? What… no party, NO!”
They handed over presents then would go
Back up the garden path and shut the gate;
I’m sure their parents said, “You couldn’t wait?”
“No, here’s some birthday cake her Mummy gave!
She’s locked up with the Measels in her cave!”

The funny thing was upstairs in the dark
My room was happy, like a Noah’s Ark,
With toys and toast and Tibbles, my grey cat
Who purred and made me feel better. That
Was what I loved that day, with presents piled
Upon my eiderdown. My parents smiled
Because they saw I really didn’t need
Big parties, candles, noise: I was quite freed
From what most kids miss, and Great-Grandpa came
And made up stories with a funny name,
About Georgina at the circus, who,
Had great adventures and worked in a zoo;
He told more stories every single night
Until I was allowed to see the light
And read the books my friends brought that great day
When I turned 8. That’s why I always say
8 is my favorite number, did you know?
And do you have a special number? though
Each birthday’s special and if you count 4 years,
(For 12’s your date), you’ll be Bat Mitzvah, cheers!
You’ll be young ladies then, but Grandpa, I,
Will love you always, and the time will fly.

So… Happy Birthday, Eve and Ada dear!
Enjoy each day and night and EVERY YEAR!

XXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX
And one each for luck:X+X

Granny Linda
12.12.11